Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
