i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
