when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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