Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
