He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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