If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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