Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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