I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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