I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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