Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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