fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
