I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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