I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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