I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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