Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
