i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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