The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
