There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
