he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I could fuck to npr.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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