So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
