Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
