i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
