on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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