I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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