Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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