i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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