pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
