I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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