hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
