so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
