a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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