At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
