I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
