I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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