The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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