woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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