...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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