I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
