I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
