ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
