I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
