It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
