dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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