Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
