So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
