I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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