you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
