I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
