On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
