What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
