I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My cat gives me a boner
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
