my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize