I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
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You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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