u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
