he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
