talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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