I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
