Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
