Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
