So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm both gender and math confused
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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