your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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