Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
