Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
