After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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