I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
