we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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