end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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