I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
