there was a trapeze. enough said
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
