I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
