I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
