you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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