no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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