she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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