tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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