So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
