im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
