They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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