He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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